This is also
part of the initial paperwork I prepared for my attorney. Here I describe how
the relationship with the other parent evolved over the years leading to where
it is today. I also used it to help introduce myself to the counselor at the
beginning of the sessions.
It also asked
me to list favorable attributes of the other parent. This latter section came
to be in the other parent's hands which she then promptly showed to her
neighbor Nikki. In Nikki's interview
with the investigator, she makes a reference to it.
From this document and through conversations with me he drafted the modification of the WA judgment.
In May of 1991 David finished is service with the army and was living with his friends Troy and Michelle in Spokane Washington. He met Stacy Erickson, a neighbor in June of 1992. A month later, Stacy informed David that she was pregnant and he was the father. Stacy clearly indicated to him that an abortion was not an option so David decided he needed to take responsibility by moving in with her to support the child. When he accompanied Stacy to the doctor he found out that conception happened at the first time they had been intimate.
His closest friends and his family had all met with Stacy by this time and all recommended that he have nothing to do with Stacy except for paying child support. Dave did not think this was an option because he wanted his child to grow up with a father and he felt confident that he could grow to love the mother of his children. By the time Dave moved in with Stacy in September of 1992, all of his friends had asked him not to come around if he was to bring Stacy. David’s mother upon meeting Stacy, said “You can do better” within earshot of Stacy. Stacy never forgave Dave for this and would remind him of this frequently.
Stacy’s mother had one daughter (Tina) from a previous relationship when she married Stacy’s father. Father was an alcoholic and was physically abusive to her mother. He left her mother for another woman when Stacy was 12 and passed away due to illness some years after. Stacy has one younger brother Bill who has been in trouble with the law quite frequently. Stacy was very close to her mother, calling her more than 500 times a month when she lived away from her.
In December of 1992, Stacy miscarried. This was a very sad time for both David and Stacy. David felt that he had given up his family and friends only to lose what he thought he was going to gain, a family of his own. He felt that he had disgraced himself too much already and he could not face his friends and family about this misfortune. He felt his only option was to make the relationship with Stacy work out. In hindsight, David deeply regrets not running away from Stacy as fast as he could at this time. Stacy was devastated at the loss and became very depressed. She was physically and emotionally drained from the miscarriage and she was unable to get a job. David was going to college and working full time was unable to spend time with her as she wanted during this period.
The relationship was rocky from the beginning. David felt that Stacy was an ignorant stubborn person who was incapable of having empathy for anybody but herself. Practically speaking she was unable to manage household finances and maintain a clean house to David’s satisfaction. Her personal hygiene was poor and David had to frequently request her to shower or change her clothes. David worked two jobs and attended college full time to support Stacy who was unable to work due to her pregnancy. Stacy was against David going to college and felt more resentful of his education as time passed. (College was paid by student loans). He often overslept and was late for work or school. David felt angry that Stacy couldn’t at least make sure he got up to go to work on time when she “didn’t have to do anything else”.
First time they were physically intimate, David experienced physical pain and found the level of enjoyment minimal. However, for about a year into the relationship, David felt some satisfaction with their somewhat regular sex life even if it was lacking the spark that he had experienced with previous girlfriends. However, as Stacy’s pregnancy with Zachary progressed, she grew increasingly reluctant to participate in sexual activities. David was at first understanding but found that things never improved between them. Eventually this escalated to outright refusals. The only time Stacy will consent is when she wanted something. David felt that with holding sex was one of the many ways she manipulated him and used it only for bargaining in the relationship.
Stacy becomes pregnant with Zachary in the fall of 1993. Her pregnancy was difficult and she spent most of the time shopping or in bed. Zach is born June 1994.
November of 1994, Rick, David’s brother and his girlfriend Julie moved in with them. Dave continued to work and go to school so they spent most of their time with Stacy. Julie found living with Stacy very difficult. Stacy was a whiner and was only concerned for herself. She constantly complained about how Dave did not deserve to be in school. She was not a clean person, never cleaned the house and when she did, she left more mess than when she started. Julie also found it intolerable that she spent money “like it grew on trees” when Dave was working all the time to pay the bills. Julie and Rick decided to move out two months later even though they had hoped to save more money to get a nicer place.
Bill, Stacy’s younger brother broke into their apartment and stole the VCR. David noticed it missing one day and found out from Stacy that Bill had pawned it. Stacy said that she and her mother were saving up to get it back. According to Stacy Bill often stole her possessions such as jewelry and pawned it away for spending money.
In May of 1995, David finished his AA degree and they moved to Oregon where he could continue college to obtain his BS degree.
That fall, David has his appendix removed. Following month has an accident on his motorcycle with a drunk driver and broke his toe. Otherwise his health has been good.
In December of 1995, Stacy becomes pregnant with Mirrissa. Stacy continues to have difficulty with the pregnancy and was often too ill to care of Zachary.
In January of 1996, Stacy decides to move back to Spokane to be with her mother for the birth of the baby. For most of the previous year, they were constantly fighting. Stacy was unhappy to be away from her mother and grew increasingly irritable caring for Zachary all by herself while Dave worked. Stacy’s constant spending put a strain on their finances and fights broke out every time David came home. David was unsympathetic to her complaints and spent less and less time at home. By this time David felt he could not live with Stacy any longer so he did not object when Stacy suggested moving back to Spokane with Zachary.
A month or so later, he receives child custody papers and decides that it would be best if Stacy had custody of Zach now because he is still attending school in Oregon and working two jobs is unable to care for them.
In May of 1996, David graduates from college.
In August of 1996, Mirrissa is born. Although he was present at Mirrissa’s birth, he had not been able to visit with the kids since Stacy moved back to Spokane. David decides to move back in with his mother in Spokane so that he can be closer to the kids.
That winter, a huge ice storm hits the area, killing trees. David and his mother spend most of the year, logging the trees off of the property. It was hard work but David was able to save some money from the sale of the logs. During this year, David has contact with the children as often as Stacy will allow it which is typically once a week.
In August of 1997, Stacy moved out of her mother’s house into her own apartment. Unknown to David at the time, she was receiving child support and welfare from the state. Stacy enrolled in the local community college and asked David to care for the children while she was at school. David went over to Stacy’s apartment to watch the kids. Eventually, he started dating her again.
In October of 1997, when Stacy dropped out of school, David moved to a new apartment with Stacy and the kids. Some time later, Stacy obtained a job in a local health care center and David stayed at home to take care of the house and kids. David contributed to the household expenses with his savings. David was very happy to be able to care for his children and was happy that the house stayed decently clean when he was in charge.
In February of 1998, Stacy had an affair and asked David to leave and move out of the apartment. After the separation, Stacy did not allow David to care for the children. David continued to insist on seeing the children. Stacy finally agreed to let him see them one a week or so, at a park so David can play with the kids while Stacy watched.
In March of 1998, Stacy was fired from her job and could not pay for the apartment by herself so she moved back in with her mother. Shortly thereafter, she broke up with her new boyfriend. She begged David to take her back and David agrees. He missed the kids and he felt that he would not be able to see them as often as he liked if he didn’t live with Stacy. In April 1998, they move into a new apartment together.
David gets a new job working as a programmer for CCI in May 1998. David finds out through CCI that he owes back child support and it will be taken out of his paycheck at CCI. He understands that this if for the period when he was in Oregon separated from Stacy. However, upon checking the balance owed a year later, he finds that the balance had not decreased at all. State informs him that Stacy is still collecting child support checks from the state despite her telling him otherwise a year ago when they moved in together. David is very upset that he now owes 3 years of unpaid child support even though he was living and supporting her for more than half of the period.
Stacy is very needy and called David at work constantly. Many days she called more than 15 times as well as e-mailing him in between, demanding to talk to him and taking offence if he was unavailable. Dave was overwhelmed with this neediness and the lies to get attention and grew increasingly bitter toward her.
In January 2000, CCI relocated David to Lakeland Florida as Assistant Programming Manager. Stacy and the kids join him a month later. Stacy was against this move because she had never lived so far away from her mother. It was an uphill battle all they way and Stacy never let him forget that she “and the kids” moved to Florida “for him”. David put in long hours at his job while Stacy continued to be very needy. Constant calling and e-mailing repeatedly got David in trouble at work. Her cell phone had to be turned off repeatedly because of irresponsible use of daytime minutes. But Stacy would just call the phone company and order herself a new phone.
Financially they were scraping by to make ends meet. Stacy continued to spend money on what she called “for the kids”. They only had one vehicle between them and David had to rely on Stacy to go to and from work. When both kids started school, Stacy obtained employment at a local Hess gas station. She was fired for stealing couple of months later. She held several positions through a temp agency none lasting longer than a couple of weeks. Primary reason for staying in the relationship was the kids. David was afraid that Stacy will get full custody of the kids and he will become a Sunday dad. David wanted his children to grow up to earn an honest living and not be raised in an environment where living on welfare or in prison was the norm. He also felt certain that if he separated from Stacy she will make a poor dating choice and his children will be abused by her new boyfriend.
Stacy’s brother Bill moved down to start a new life in Florida. He lived with them for approximately two months. He was unable to get a drivers license in Florida due to outstanding warrants in Washington State and eventually moved back.
August 2001 David is promoted to Programming Manager. With the increase in salary, David starts to plan on purchasing a permanent home for kids. In December, they purchase a new vehicle for Stacy’s use and Stacy promises pay for it. But she gets fired from her job shortly thereafter. This creates a problem when they go to close on their house and they lose their pre-approved financing. Financing for the house is based on David’s income only. March 2002, they move in to their new home on Dove Cross Loop.
June 2002, while Stacy’s mother is visiting them in Lakeland, she becomes ill. Zachary finds her in the bathroom passed out. Grandmother spends some weeks in the hospital before she passes away. Stacy, who was very close to her mother, was devastated at her loss. Stacy needing to take care of her mother’s affairs and sell her house takes the kids with her to Spokane. Because she is unable to read a map, she finds her way by asking for directions. According to her mother’s wishes, Stacy is put in charge of sale of her mother’s house and division of assets among her siblings. Stacy inherits approximately $9000 in cash, each grand child inherited $5000 to be made available to them when they are 18 years old.
In September 2002 Stacy returns with the kids to Lakeland. David and Stacy go on a shopping spree and her inheritance and the children’s inheritance is quickly spent. Some of the major purchases include David’s computer $2000, queen size bed $2000, washer and dryer $1500, freezer $300, workout machine $500.
That fall, Zach’s school feels he is not ready go on to 2nd grade and decides to retain him in 1st grade. It is also decided that Mirrissa will repeat kindergarten rather than start 1st grade this year. Both children are unprepared and continue to struggle in school.
February 2003 Stacy discovers that David was having an affair with a co worker. She is irate and creates a big scene at work. Subsequently David is reprimanded and demoted to Programmer from Programming Manager. Although, David expects Stacy to throw him out, Stacy begs him to stay with her and David agrees to give it another try for a month. In March, David informs Stacy that their relationship is over and he will continue to live with her only as the father of their children.
Same month, Stacy enrolls in High Tech Institute to become an x-ray technician. She attended school 7 pm to 11 pm and David was able to care for the children daily. Stacy always said the children were out of control and never listens to her and she had to continuously punish them by slapping and spanking them. She had often reported to him that caring for the children was too much responsibility for her and she didn’t know what to do. He found caring for the children to be very enjoyable and had a much easier time with it compared to Stacy. Interacting with the children, he saw significant improvements in their attitude and behavior during his time with them. David was convinced that he wanted to be more involved in the daily lives of the children and deeply regretted all the years where he worked outside the home and left the children with Stacy.
In May of 2003, Stacy locates a long lost niece that she had been searching. Tina, her older half sister had a daughter and gave it up for adoption. Neither Tina nor Stacy’s mother had any desire to locate this daughter. But Stacy felt this was very important to her and had searched for her niece off and on for the past 5 years or so. Stacy was ecstatic to locate her but the niece was less than thrilled and they have not corresponded since.
In June 2003 Stacy causes another disturbance at work. David is fired from his salaried position but CCI allows him to work as an hourly data processor until he obtains new employment.
July 2003, David is offered a position with Cunningham Research in Daytona. Stacy was enthusiastic about the new job thinking the move to Daytona will put distance between David’s girlfriend. Her happiness was short lived when David informed her that he is not getting back together with her and she was getting her own place in Daytona.
August 2003 David gets a room in a large 7 bedroom house in Smyrna Beach and starts working for Cunningham. David decides to keep Stacy and the kids in the house until he can afford to move them to Daytona with him. Stacy changed her school schedule so she attends from 7am to 11am. She woke the kids up at 5:30am and left them at a neighbor’s house until the school bus picked them up. She briefly obtained employment at a Circle K working third shift. She quit this job when Dave suggested that the children move to Daytona with him so they can get a good night’s sleep.
Zach was having some aggression problems in school so Stacy enrolls him in “psychiatric recovery” and receives counseling from the school psychologist. Stacy stops taking him after a few visits when no progress is made and Zach stops relating to the psychologist.
In October 2003 Stacy files for a restraining order against David’s girlfriend. Stacy reported that girlfriend is vandalizing the front screen door and porch steps of their house, making harassing phone calls, and writing hate letters to her. This is dismissed due to insufficient evidence.
David visited the kids at the house in Lakeland every weekend. During the daytime he spent time with the kids and stayed at his girlfriend’s house at night. During this time, he worked with Stacy to create a separation agreement outlining division of possessions and custody of the children. They are unable to come to a decision. When Stacy finds out that David consulted a lawyer to formalize the agreement she refuses to talk about it any further. The separation plan goes into effect without a written agreement.
December 2003 David moves to a bigger apartment and brings over half of the children’s furniture so they can start school in Ormond Beach after Christmas break.
January 2004, children start school at Pine Trail Elementary. Both children immediately take a liking for the school and continue to enjoy it. Later that month, Stacy gets her own apartment in Holly Hill with the relocation expenses paid by David. Arguments regarding the children’s schedule continue. There is constant arguing and turmoil with the children in the middle. David exhausts all attempts to reach a reasonable agreement of visitation. In fear of permanent damage to the children, David decides to seek legal remedies in March 2004.
Summary of some good things about Stacy: She is always punctual, unlike David who is always running late; she rarely oversleeps or be late for an appointment. She is quick to take action once need arises where as David is more of a procrastinator. She knows to ask for help and how to enlist others to help her out. She has also taught the children how to ask for help and to be very polite using “sir” and “ma’am” regularly. She never drives recklessly and will follow the vehicle in front of her in the right lane until she reaches her destination. She has never been arrested or charged with a crime. She is very persistent and will not rest until she gets her way regardless of the obstacles. She has the power of conviction and is able to express herself quite dramatically and is very good at ‘painting the picture’ for her audience. She has capacity for very strong emotions and instinct is the primary motivator for her actions. Her general health has been good except for the difficult pregnancies.