Deposition Questions Alienating

I put together interrogatories and deposition questions for Stacy to answer centering around those I found on the SPARC website. They are designed to reveal PAS behavior in the parent answering them. If the questions do really show the degree of PAS, and I am asking them of the other parent, I felt it would be critical for me to answer them. Despite my best efforts to keep the kids out of it, dislike for the other parent runs deep and I would be lying if I didn't wish I could do things to get back at her. Here I tried to answer the questions truthfully and best to my ability.

1. How would you describe your children's relationship with Parent prior to the divorce?

Pretty much the same as now.

2. Have you had occasions since the divorce when you felt angry towards Parent?

The mother is a constant source of anger and disappointment to me.

3. Could you explain to the court the various reasons for your anger?

Mother uses the children to deal with her negative emotions and blames me for the damage she inflict because I "made" her do it.

4. Since the date of the divorce have you ever made negative comments to your kids about Parent?

I try very hard not to make any negative comments about their mother to the kids. However on several occasions, I know that I called her a "stupid bitch" under my breath as I hung up the phone or when walking away from her when I was within earshot of the kids.

5. What type of comments have you made about Parent to your kids?

When kids ask me why mommy does something or other, I typically tell them that I don't know and that is one of the reasons we aren't together any more. I have also told them I wished she didn't do most of the things she does but she has her reasons and I can't tell her to do anything she doesn't want to. When the kids ask why mommy lies about things, I tell them that maybe she gets confused sometimes. When the kids said they wanted to go to camp but mommy told them no because she would miss them too much, I said that I thought it was very selfish of her.

6. Since the date of the divorce, have you ever argued with Parent about visitation? 7. (If yes) Could you explain your reasons for arguing or why the arguments about visitation occurred? What were the issues?

Yes, we argued numerous times. We could not decide on a schedule and we could not follow anything without constantly making last minute changes to demand more time with the kids. She was also very controlling on how my time was spent with the kids and if she didn't approve she would cancel it.

8. What have you been doing to help encourage the relationship between Parent and Child?

I try to never make negative comments about their mother. I try not to take sides when there is a disagreement between the kids and their mother.

9. Have you ever talked with your children or asked your children about Parent's personal life?

When the kids mention something that they did with a new friend of mommy's, I ask them his or her name and where mommy met them. Kids are typically forthcoming about their mom's financial difficulties and other such matters. I try to be as noncommittal as I can be to these comments without ignoring them.

10. Have you failed to return the children from a visit? Why?

I have been late a couple of times because of traffic or getting up late. On one occasion I refused to hand over the kids to her because she was full of rage and acting in a bizarre manner. The police were called and he decided the kids will go with me.

11. Have you ever commented to your children since the date of the divorce concerning any lack of money that was a result of the divorce?

No, I don't think so.

12. Have you ever asked your children since the date of the divorce any questions regarding with which parent they want to live?

Yes. I have told them that although it is not their choice to make, they have an opinion and should let others know what they want.

13. Since Child has been living with you, has Child ever talked to you on the telephone omplaining about their time with Parent? 14. (If yes) After hearing Child's complaints, have you felt a need to pick him up from their Parent's home without Parent's consent?

Yes I have felt the need many times especially when I hear the screaming over the phone. However, I remind myself that kids need to learn to deal with their mother without me taking sides. Several times when I was summoned at her request to resolve a dispute, I have offered to take the offending child for the night so everyone can chill out and get some rest.

15. Have you shown either of your children any of the legal documents associated with this case? What documents have you shown? Why did you show them?

No, I have not shown any legal documents to the kids and I try to keep them out of sight. There may have been times where I may have left them lying around when the kids were with me. However, I doubt that they looked or were interested in looking.

16. Do you believe that Parent exaggerates Child's medical, psychological or health problems? 17. (If yes) Could you explain these exaggerations to the court?

Yes. Every time she is away from the kids for an extended period of time (e.g. 3 nights) the kids are immediately reported to have some ailment requiring immediate treatment and care from her. When I show up to pick up the kids, she always claims some ailment that the kids are suffering and gives me instruction to give them Tylenol or other such medicine. When the kids are with me, they are almost always healthy and rarely complain of any kind of pain or discomfort. I also think that mother talks the kids in to believing they are sick. Mirrissa is especially prone to suggestion and will often report feeling ill or having a headache. She will also report how she can't get rid of this "darn" headache (or other pain) for 2 weeks even though she took aspirin for it. However when we tell her that it would be alright for her to go lay down on her bed till she feels better, she says it really doesn't hurt that much. Additionally, mother often takes the kids to the doctor and disagree with the diagnosis given (or the lack of diagnosis) and will take the kids to a different doctor that will confirm what she is reporting.

18. Do you perceive yourself as having a very different parenting style than Parent?

Yes I think we are very different.

19. Do you believe that Parent should follow your recommendations or beliefs about rules and discipline? 20. (If yes) Have you tried to communicate to Parent your beliefs about rules and discipline?

No I don't think she needs to follow my recommendations. I have tried to communicate before the separation but we have such different view points that we failed to see each others point of view on anything.

21. Do you believe that you have good reason for being critical of Parent's parenting skills? Why?

I think I have good reason because, for all of the things I am critical about, numerous third parties have confirmed that they were also concerned about her parenting skills and the harm she was doing to the kids

22. Has Child ever suggested to you that he had a good time with Parent?

Yes. Zach tells me how much fun he had going places with his mom and the nice hand made toys family friends make for him. Mirrissa is often excited about going to the park and getting dressed up. They both have fun going to a pizza place with their mom.

23. Have you ever heard any complaints from the children about their safety? 24. (If yes) When you heard the children complain, what did you do to communicate with Parent the complaints?

Kids have made some comments that made me concerned for their safety but they have not complained about anything. I have heard the children were left by themselves while she went out. I have heard that the children went to play far from the house without telling their mom. They have also gone with strangers without their moms knowledge and returned before she noticed them missing. I asked her about these incidents but she always denies its occurrence or blames the kids.

25. Have you ever expressed your anger toward Parent in the presence of your children?

I think I have expressed frustration and hopelessness numerous times during situations involving the mother. These were not verbal but more through sighs and swearing under my breath.

26. What do you think Parent's role as a divorced parent should be with the children?

Same as any other kind of parent.

27. What do you think the relationship should be with their stepparent?

It is not necessary to love them but stepparents should be respected as another adult who runs things in the household.

28. Have you heard Child make allegations of abuse by Parent?

I have heard about many instances of emotional abuse and borderline instances of neglect. I have not heard any allegations of physical abuse except for occasional slaps in the face.

29. Have you ever known Child to exaggerate or lie to get what he or she wants?

Both children are quite comfortable with extreme exaggerations and outright lies. They know that activities of the other parent are a sensitive topic and often exaggerate events in attempt to shock the other parent. Mirrissa especially has difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy and cannot be relied on to know what truth is.

30. What do you believe should be the Child's relationship with Parent's family? 31. (If negative) Would you explain your reasons why your Child's should not have a relationship with Parent's extended family?

I think involvement with the extended family is very important to kids. I want them to benefit from their input and support. Only concern is that some of the members may be convicted felons or drug addicts whom may or may not be good company for young children.

32. Do you believe that Child has good reasons for not wanting to live with Parent? Why?

Yes, I found it extremely difficult to live with the mother's negativity and constant lying. Therefore I assume it is even more confusing and hurtful from the child's perspective.

33. Do you believe that Child is old enough or is sufficiently maturity to decide for himself whether or not he should visit Parent? 34. Have you suggested to Child since the date of the divorce that he has the right to choose for himself whether or not to visit his Parent?

No I don't think even my older son is old enough to decide who to live with or be able to choose whether to go on visitation with either parent.

35. Since the date of the divorce would you say that there are occasions when Child is too busy to visit his Parent?

No. Children have few engagements aside from school and have never been too busy to visit either parent.

36. What have you done to help strengthen the relationship between Child and Parent? 37. Do you believe you have any responsibility to help strengthen the relationship? 38. (If no) Why not? 39. (If yes) Would you explain the steps you have taken to help strengthen the relationship between Child and Parent?

I try to avoid making negative remarks about their mother. I help them pick out birthday and mother's day gifts for their mother. I let them take what they want over to her house after a visit. I believe kids need to know their mother as well as their father. Currently, I have considerably less time with them so I am more focused on trying to maintain my own relationship with them.

40. Do you believe that you know better than Parent as to what is best for Child? 41. (If yes) Could you explain the reasons for your belief?

Yes. The mother is known to engage in ways that are very harmful to the children's emotional health. She also has difficulty thinking of children as separate individuals from herself and believes in minimalism when it comes to opportunities.

42. Do you believe that Parent does not discipline Child? 43. Are you ever concerned that Parent is excessively punitive with Child? Why? 44. Since the date of the divorce, have you personally witnessed Parent being excessive with discipline?

The main concern I have with how the other parent disciplines the kids is with its inconsistency and mismatch between the misbehavior and punishment. She is also inconsistent with follow through of consequences and changes the content of the punishment halfway through depending on how she is feeling at the moment. Mother has never been excessive in administering physical blows to the kids.

45. Have you ever filed a complaint with the local children's investigative agency)? 46. Could you explain the reasons for your report?

Yes. I wanted to make sure there was a third party that was watching out for the kids because I am unable to protect them from the abusive environment they are in.

47. Do you believe that Parent should follow your rules when it comes to how visitation is to be accomplished?

I believe that both parents need to follow "a" rule whatever they decide. I would like to go with my rule but as long as things aren't changed every day, and I get to see my kids half of the time, any rule will work for me.

48. Do you believe that Parent should follow your rules or suggestions about how child should be raised?

It would be nice if she did. However, she is a very different person from me and has her own way of doing things. I think children can benefit from two different styles of parenting as long as they are consistent within each household.

49. Do you believe that there are aspects of your private life that Parent has no business knowing?

Although I would prefer to keep certain aspects of my life private, there is no part of my life that I need to hide. However, I mostly don't want her to know anything that is going to make her rage and take it out on the kids or used to talk negatively about me to the kids.

50. Have you conveyed to your Child that he should not share any information or activities to Parent about your private life?

I have not specifically instructed the kids on what they can or cannot say to the other parent. Actually I have told them the opposite, to share whatever they want. However, there were several occasions where the kids have asked me if they should tell mommy something and I told them it is probably not a good idea.

51. (If yes) Could you explain how you have communicated to Child that he should not share certain information with Parent? 52. What information about your life did you not want Parent to know?

The children asked if they should tell mommy that my girlfriend bought them some books. I asked them what they thought. They thought that mommy wouldn't like it and get mad and would throw away their new books. I told them they should use common sense and do what they need to do. Kids decided to tell mommy that I bought the books.

Another was over a mother’s day gift. I asked if they could tell mommy they bought the gifts, not daddy so she won't throw it away.

*348 53. Have you had any discussions with Child about your plans to gain his custody?

Yes. I told them when I decided to take legal action.

54. (If no) You mean to tell me that Child doesn't even know you are going to court to seek his custody? 55. (If yes) Then please explain what you and Child have discussed about how you are going to get custody?

I explained that mommy and daddy are having trouble sharing you guys. Mommy wants you guys all the time and daddy wants to at least see you half of the time. I reminded them of the time they fought over something and daddy had to decide for them because they couldn't resolve it themselves. I explained that that was what the judge was going to do. I assured them that they will always have both parents that care about them and they will always get to see both of them but the judge will set a schedule so that there are no more arguments between mommy and daddy.

56. Would you explain what those plans are?

I would like sole legal custody and primary residential parent with mother's visitation 50% of the time

57. Have you ever listened in on phone calls between Child and Parent?

Yes. I have started to record all conversations between myself and the mother as well as all calls taking place at my residence. I currently do not feel safe letting the mother have privacy with the children on the phone due to the hurtful things she says and the mind games she plays. I have taken the phone away and intervened on several occasions.

One such occasion was where the mother was telling them to be waiting for her to pick them up because she did not approve of the children staying at my girlfriend’s house with me. Another occasion, the mother was asking the kids about "what sort of things are being said there".

58. Have you ever asked Child to get information for you or report for you on any of Parent's behavior since the date of the divorce?

I have not specifically asked the children to report anything to me. I have asked them if they knew mommy has work tomorrow or not. I have also probed to find out the name of mom's new friend if they mentioned it. I think the children are always trying to figure out what to tell me about their mom to get a response out of me. I do not want to encourage them to think they will get praised for bringing me "dirt" on the other parent. I typically ask them how they felt about what ever they bring up.

59. Do you believe that the court has any right to tell you what to do with respect to your children and their relationship with Parent?

Yes. When the parents are unable to decide on and provide the best possible environment for the children, courts are the only one that can protect them. If their relationships with either of the parents are harmful, courts must recognize that and make sure they are no longer harmed.

60. Would you describe Parent as a good parent or a poor parent?

I would describe her as poor parent.

61. Could you explain your reasons for your opinion?

I believe parents should always want the best for their children and try to give it to them regardless of the emotional or financial cost to them. The mother in contrast believes in minimalism and is satisfied with providing the children with only basic needs of food and clothing. She is unable to put the children's needs ahead of her own and feels no remorse that children are going without because of her selfishness. She doesn't understand what the children are feeling and does not hesitate to hurt them if the occasion suits her.

62. Who initiated the divorce between you and Parent?

I initiated the separation. For over a year, until the last 6 months or so she had continued to tell me she wished to get back together.

63. Could you explain the reasons for the divorce?

I feel it was a long time in coming. I do not feel love or respect for her and I grew weary of living with her just because she is the mother of my children.

64. Do you blame Parent for the divorce?

I take 50% of the responsibility for the separation and how things are turning out.

65. Are you and Parent able to talk with each other without arguing?

No, it is impossible to discuss anything without arguing.

66. (If no) Could you explain why you are not able to communicate?

We have completely different ideas on everything and we are both determined that our own way is the correct way and will never compromise.

67. Is Child presently having visits with Parent? 68. (If no) Could you explain to the court the reasons?

Currently I have minimum visitation of every other weekend and some holidays is in effect. Rest of the time, children are with the mom.

69. What is Child's attitude about seeing his Parent?

Zachary does not want to see mother and makes his wishes known. Mirrissa is attached to her mother and often says she misses her when she is with me. They both do not like to speak to the mother on the phone when they are with me.

70. (If the child has resisted visitation) How long have you observed these behaviors?

Neither of my children have resisted to come stay with me to my knowledge. Zach has forcibly resisted going back to his mom on several occasions and is almost always reluctant to end our visits. He is always eager to speak to me on the phone and wants to stay on the phone longer than his mom allows him. Mirrissa has been amicable going to both of her parents house. How ever, she typically chooses not to speak to me on the phone when I call.

71. What have you done personally to help Child overcome these feelings and encourage visitation with his Parent?

I have tried to reason with Zach that he needs to go back to his mom so that he can come visit me again. I tell him that I am never going to give up trying to see him regardless of what his mom does.

I have told Mirrissa that if she doesn't want to talk to me on the phone that is fine but I would like to at least hear her voice and tell her good night.

72. Do you believe that whatever problems have occurred between yourself, Child and Parent that these problems should be worked out?

Problems between mother and child will have to be resolved between them. I can only listen and sympathize and offer advice on how to resolve it with the other party. I do my best to resolve problems between me and the children in some way.

73. Do you believe that working out these problems is in Child's best interest? Why or why not?

Problems between me and the other parent will probably never be worked out and I think it is better for the children to let things be. Our differences are so severe that I now know that arguing over it accomplishes nothing. The extended arguing we do stresses everyone out and takes time away from the children.

74. What do you see as your role in helping work out any problems that exist between Child and Parent?

My role is to be someone who my kids can bounce off ideas and guide them to better understand what has transpired. I want them to rely on me to provide good insights into themselves and be able to regroup and try to resolve the issue themselves. I hope they will always trust me to have their best interests at heart.