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Stacy's
parenting style
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Poor
judgment.
Incident
in December 2003. Dave said that Stacy was very upset and mad at the kids.
According to her, Zach had some old coins given to him by his grandmother.
She had this in her possession for safe keeping. Last week she decided to put
them into Zach's piggy bank. When asked the reason for doing this, she
shrugged and was indifferent. Zach found this money later that week and not
knowing its significance over regular money, took it to the school store and
spent some of it. Then he showed his teacher the other coins he had left. The
teacher noticed immediately that these were special coins which should not be
spent on candy and contacted Stacy about it. Stacy was extremely upset that
Zach did this and grounded him for a week.
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Accusing
kids of malicious intent.
Stacy
will misplace jewelry then accuse kids for taking it on average once or twice
a week. When search of the house does not reveal the piece, punishment of the
kids ensue. Kids are accused of taking the jewelry hiding it and then, lying
to her about knowing where it is. She will send them to their rooms, ground
them, or send them to a corner or some combination thereof. While everybody searches the house, she
will rant on about how valuable and important to her it is and how she wishes
people will leave her stuff alone.
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Lack
of apology.
She
typically accuses Mirrissa of hiding it away from her. In the actual
instances where Mirrissa did touch her jewelry, Mirrissa would be wearing it
and prancing around the room, or pick it up look at it then place it on a
different table. With no intention of hiding it from her mother. Neither of
the kids has ever tried to 'hide" it from Stacy. Later, after locating
the missing piece in a location where she placed it herself, she will relieve
the children from any ongoing punishment but will not acknowledge any
wrongdoing.
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Yelling
at dinner table.
Yell
at kids in excess 15 minutes everyday for not eating their food at the dinner
table. How she cooked for two hours
and how ungrateful the kids are how wasteful how she will never cook for them
again. Typically happens over foods that the parents know that kids don't
like.
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Fake
illnesses.
Stacy
often talks the kids into saying they are sick even if they are not. Mirrissa
reports having a headache or stomachache on a daily bases. Kids often stay
home from school or leave school early when they are with Stacy. Kids have
had virtually no absences when they are with David.
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Homework
falsification.
Kids'
homework often goes unfinished. Dave thinks this is because she is too
unorganized to figure out what needs to be done, she can't get the children
to comply, she cannot help the children sufficiently to get it done. Stacy
often signs off on homework that is not completed or completed incorrectly.
Zach has often falsified records for a whole week of his 'reading log' to
which Stacy signed off as being accurate.
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Medicating
Stacy
will threaten to make the kids take Nyquil if they don't go to bed quietly.
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Over
affection.
Stacy
constantly reminds the kids that she misses them and how much she loves them
and will not stop until the kids repeat the same. Kids could actually be
missing her but they typically do not want to call their mom when given the
opportunity nor do they want to drop by to say hi when they are with David.
If enticed by candy they will agree to call their mom.
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Corporal
punishment.
Stacy
chooses to administer corporal punishment in the form of a face slap and
spanking the buttocks. She uses this form of punishment freely and will not
hesitate to do so in a public location (e.g. supermarket).
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Inappropriate
statements to kids.
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"You
are an ass hole!" "You
jackass. Not coming home when you said you would." in normal conversation,
fat ass, lazy, bastard, liar, cheater, when arguing in front of kids
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Fuck
is in every other sentence in her conversation. "fucking school" to
refer to kids elementary school
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"Daddy
won't let Mommy buy any food so kids can't have dinner
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"Mommy
is doing her best to keep the family together when daddy is out with his
slut"
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"Daddy
left the 'family' because he would rather be with the slut
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"Daddy
doesn't care
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"Daddy
is going to take your (kids) Jeep away
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"Daddy
has enrolled you (kids) in Karate to waste Mommy's time
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"Daddy's
new girl friend is writing hateful graffiti on the porch steps to hurt Mommy
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"Daddy's
girlfriend is making harassing calls and writing letters to Mommy threatening
to hurt the kids
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"Daddy
is threaten to take away your car, I guess he doesn't love you as much as he
says he does"
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"How
can you love your father when he is such a liar and cheater" "I
don't want you to grow up like him".
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Refer
to Takako as the tramp, a slut, a whore regardless of who is around her.
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Shared
parenting violations.
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Stacy
shows little regard for the importance of children's contact with Dave. She
with holds visitation when she feels she is being treated unjustly for any
reason. Interrupting calls during Dave's day with the kids telling them
"I am going to pick up in an hour and you are sleeping at my house
tonight". Uninvited visits and starting arguments in front of the
children. Refusing visitation on ground that the kids have a
"tempters" tonight. Not letting the children speak to Dave on the
phone saying that "they are already asleep" at 6:30pm. Will get
mad at any mention of activities with Dave so kids are reluctant to mention
anything about their experiences to her.
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Stacy
will not participate in any activities arranged by Dave because she feels
that the decision should have been made jointly. This includes tutoring for
Mirrissa and karate class. Externally, she will agree to take them and say
that she has never let them miss karate. However, to date, she has taken them
only twice. Karate class is held 4 times a week and they have been enrolled
since February. She said that her busy work schedule prevents her from taking
them.
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Refuses
to open the door more than a crack when Dave comes to pick up the kids. Stacy
keeps all blinds and window treatments facing the driveway closed and have
forbidden the children to look out. Previously every time Dave came by to
drop something off or pick them up, kids were the first to come up to the
window and open it so they can welcome Dave and talk to him.
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She
will not pick up the phone when Dave calls and will just hand the phone to
the kids with no explanation. "Hurry up and hang up the phone with your
dad, its bed time" Then after the phone is hung up, she will engage the
kids in eating snacks and other activity not associated with going to bed.
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Stacy
dictates that children be under Dave’s direct supervision and a detailed
account of activities during his time with the kids. She tells him it is none
of his business when he inquires about activities scheduled for her visit.
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Stacy
was offended that Dave came to pick up the kids while they were still
watching the "Simpson’s". She went on to say derogatory remarks
about how Dave is always late and never cares what she is doing.
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Stacy
puts a negative spin on anything the children say or do or bring home to her
to implicate Dave as being worthless, or otherwise incompetent or to have
malicious intentions towards the kids.
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Dave
purchases clothes for kids and they are eager to wear it the next day. After
visit with mom, they claim that they don't like the clothes, it doesn't fit
and they don't want to wear it anymore.
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If
Dave buys children clothes, Stacy will state to the kids that "you have
plenty of clothes here and I don't know what daddy is trying to prove, he
can't even pick out the right size for you"
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Openly
discusses child support in front of the children. Zach has now taken on the
parent role to comfort Stacy in these issues. Stacy will discuss her plans
for schedule change and how it is inevitable because of issues with child
support and have Zach relay the information to Dave explaining to Zach that
she doesn't want to talk to Dave.
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Showed
Zach the papers from the police stating Daddy is not allowed to go to Mommy's
work.
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Stacy
requests additional money and when Dave refuses, she implies that he is not
being a good father and that there will be more consequences.
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Threaten
"I will make sure the cops hear about this" "you will be
hearing from my attorney", "this is bullshit, you won't get away
with this, I will go to the authorities" in the presence of children.
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"Why
do you want to go home with your dad when it is my birthday and I hardly got
to spend time with you because you were in school all day. Don't you miss me
at all?"
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Instructing
children to not revel what goes on in her household. "What goes in this
house stays in this house" "you will be punished if I find out that
this got back to your daddy".
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Instructing
children to ask adult questions and report back to her. "Ask your dad
who he is fucking", "is Takako showing her privates with
daddy?"
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Stacy
often uses visitation with daddy as an incentive for desired behavior.
"you can't go to our dad's house unless you finish eating all your
dinner'. 'You are grounded for xxx, you won't be going to your dad's this
weekend.'
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Stacy's
allegation against Takako.
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Harassment.
Stacy
has reported to me on numerous occasions since June of 2003 that she is
receiving hang-up calls and harassing calls at her home telephone. On one
occasion, she reported a woman who said her name was “Sandy” called her and said “you should take the kids and
get out” and, “you are ruining Takako and David’s happiness”. The call was made from a pay phone.
Although I cannot be 100% sure, Takako does not have a friend named “Sandy”
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On
a different occasion, she reported that caller ID showed a phone number of
“813-707-9128” when she received a harassing call of the same nature. When
she looked it up on the internet, she found that it was a Plant City phone number. I called the number back but nobody
picked up. I felt this story to be very suspicious because Takako’s home
telephone number starts with 707 and her cell phone ends with 9128
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In
August of 2003 Stacy had her home phone disconnected and replaced with a new
cell phone. Since getting the cell phone, the harassing calls stopped and
shortly after she started to report writing on the driveway and the house
door.
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One
Saturday in mid September, I took my children and Stacy to see the movies in
Stacy’s car. Next morning, Stacy informed me there was writing on the back of
the truck. I thought this was strange because, I did not notice any writing
on the back panel of my truck when headlights lit it as we drove up to it the
night before.
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In
September, at Stacy’s insistence to “do something about the writing”, I set
up a video camera in the living room window with full view of the drive way
and sidewalk up to the front door. It has the capacity to record up to 8
hours of video so she can turn it on every time she leaves the house. There
are at least two incidences of writing on the front door and sidewalk reported
to the police since I set up the camera. On both instances, Stacy did not
have the video camera turned on and it was not an accident that there was no
recording of any sort of the incident.
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Stacy's
lies.
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Evoke
sympathy.
Stacy
will tell neighbors and school teachers that kids cried all night because
their daddy has left them for another woman even though this never happened.
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Lying
about stupid stuff.
Purchased
an 'ab machine'. It didn't work so Dave asked Stacy
to send it back. Stacy said she did send it back. Dave wondered why he didn't
get his refund but had other things on his mind. A year later, Dave finds the
machine in the back of the dresser.
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Bank
is charging over draft fees so he asks Stacy to look into it. Stacy said it
was a mistake and they fixed it. Later Dave finds out that it is actually a
fee for a paper statement Stacy requested.
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Beg
for food.
Stacy
instructs kids to go to a neighbors house to ask for cereal stating that
"daddy doesn't let Stacy buy groceries"
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Opening
mail.
Stacy
will open all mail addressed to David. Then she will say that "it came
that way". Many occasions, Dave will be missing a bill, or letter and
she will say she has no knowledge of it, then couple months later, Dave will
find out that she kept it in her dresser. Although this happened a lot, Stacy
never made any attempts to get a more secure mail box that did not have one
side of that exposed its contents to the street. Once she requested a written bank statement
from the bank. Dave happened to see it on the coffee table and questioned her
about it. She said it just came in the mail she didn't know anything about
it. Dave thought it unlikely because the cover letter said "per your
request" and a processing fee was charged to the account. Also his
direct deposit salary was highlighted on each page. When questioned, Stacy
said the mail came opened and highlighted.
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Soliciting
Dave under different name.
Dave
received e-mails from a female who said they had a common acquaintance and
she had observed him for a while. She claimed to be attracted to him and
wanting him to meet her for a sexual rendezvous. But before she met with him
she claimed to want to know that he was going to be faithful to her. Dave at the time played along but was
suspicious and never met the girl. When they separated, he found copies of
the emails with Stacy's email signatures behind a dresser.
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Lying
to babysitter.
Stacy
told the babysitter of her woeful story on how DCF took her kids away (from
Dave??) and now she is trying to keep them from their dad.
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Fraudulent
collection of child support and other state assistance.
In
1998 Dave finds that he is behind on child support and need to catch up. Back
child support is garnished from wages.
A year later, thinking it must almost be done, Dave contacted the
Department of Revenue to see how many more payments are needed for the
balance. To Dave's surprise, he finds that the balance had not decreased but
instead it is increasing. They tell Dave that Stacy is still collecting child
support and the amount that is garnished in his wages is not enough to pay
off the outstanding balance. Dave was furious at Stacy. It had been over a
year since moving in together, and she had not worked and Dave was paying all
the bills. She had also told Dave a year ago she was not receiving any more
money from the state. Now Dave finds out that she was using the child support
money for her own spending money!
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Sexual
exposure to kids.
Stacy
claimed that Dave and his girlfriend had sex while they watched.
Additionally, the girlfriend forced them to call her "mommy" and
"hug and kiss her goodnight". Stacy claimed to have this testimony
on cassette.
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Gifts
never purchased.
Stacy
said that she saved a lot of money to purchase a plaque that had some
engraving on it saying 'thank you for being a father and husband' for Dave.
She spoke about it in great detail over the phone and how she got it to show
her appreciation of him because he had indicated to her that he did not feel
appreciated for keeping a roof over her and the kids heads all these years.
Dave never received this gift nor the other countless gifts Stacy supposedly
purchased over the years.
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Collecting
on unemployment
In WA state, she was fired from her NAC job
for stealing but proceeded to collect unemployment despite being aware of
this. The state still has an outstanding balance to be repaid.
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Tax
exemptions.
Stacy
claimed head of household and both children on her taxes for 2003 despite the
fact they shared a household and she only worked a couple hundred dollars in
wages. Dave now owes 2000 plus to the IRS. In all previous years when Dave
did the taxes, she insisted that she needed to claim them. Dave had to
calculate taxes multiple ways in order to convince her that it was better for
the household to have him claim the children as he made 90% of the money.
Stacy was never claimed as a dependant.
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Stacy's
emotional immaturity.
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Taking
down family pictures.
When
upset about something Stacy often will take down and destroy family pictures
in front of the kids. She will cut them up, put the glass frames in a box and
start packing her personal belongings up all the while cursing at how
disappointed she is at Dave as a father. Kids are used to this behavior and
typically pay little attention. Sometimes they will come up to Dave and say
"mommy is being bad again".
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Dave
ruining Stacy's life.
When
they were living together, Stacy said Dave was undeserving as a father and
complained that Dave worked all the time and didn't do things around the
house. Stacy feels that it Dave doesn't understand that she has to work and
pay bills as well as care for the children. She feels that he is going out of
his way to be a "jerk" to her so that she cannot succeed in life
like he has always done.
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Stacy
will wake the kids up in the middle of the night 'to say goodbye to daddy
because he is leaving the kids to go visit the slut"
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Waking
kids up at 1 am to get in the car with her so she can go to a pay phone (her
phone was shut off due to non payment)
to call Dave or drive by Dave's girl friends house
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Around
noon on September 27th 2003, Stacy drove to Takako’s house to see if my
vehicle was parked in the front. Upon seeing my truck parked in front, she
told my children that “he is with the tramp again”. My children informed me
of this matter when I saw them later that afternoon.
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"Money
has nothing to do with it, I will live in a cardboard box with you guys as long as we have love but
daddy still won't come home" when accusing Dave of working too much and
not sharing responsibilities of house keeping. At that time, Stacy was not
working outside the home.
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Stacy
puts her emotional needs before the children and begs them to show her
affection if she is feeling lonely. If the kids are indifferent, she starts
to point out all the things she has sacrificed for the kids and how poor
Stacy is repaid by ungrateful kids.
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Schooling
interference.
Keeping
the kids from going to school 'because they are sick' so she can follow Dave
to work and watch him to see where he goes. Pulling them out of school early
because she "misses them." Kids
often stay home if Stacy is too tired to drive them to school.
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