Nikki Bredwell Interview: Nikki and Dan were neighbors of mine in
B: Bill Wampler
N: Nikki Bredwell
B: This is an
interview with Nikki Bredwell, uh, Bredwell and my name is Bill Wampler and today
is Sunday and, May the 23rd, at approximately 1:30. We are tape
recording this conversation about an interview with Nikki about
N: Nikki
Bredwell
B: OK, and I uh
have a few questions and, what um, the first one is ‘What is your opinion of
Stacy and David as neighbors and or people?
N: As neighbors she was very
friendly, kind of jumped in with both feet, um, she was over here a lot, um,
David, I didn’t really see, he was always working. Always gone, so I really
didn’t get a lot of time to spend with him. The few chances that I got, we
spoke you know and um he seemed like a nice guy. Um, and Stacy was nice also.
Um,
as far as people go, I think ah, Stacy tries really hard to find friendship
right off the bat and I think uh that she is lonely. I think she is, as I said
she is nice but I think that uh, you know you can see where she will like
manipulate something just a certain way to just to find that friend ship.
B: ok, the next
question is “what is your opinion on how they work together to keep their house
running, like sharing responsibility for paying bills, being good neighbors and
things like that.
N: Stacy did absolutely
nothing to help with this. Um, from the minute she moved in, she lost her job
working at a Hess station, gas station, and lost her job, she would tell me
that she went all over the place putting job applications, but when doing so
she would ask me to watch her kids and I would have them for maybe an hour and
fifteen minutes once a month, that is not like um, applying yourself trying to
get a job. David worked all the time, um, so as far as the bills go it was 100%
Dave.
They
uh, as far the house goes; when I first met her nobody did anything to the
house. Dave was gone all the time so the responsibility should have landed on
Stacy and their house was always trashed. It was really trashed. And now, in
her defense, shortly after she moved in, her mother came to stay and she passed
away. And she was involved at being at
the hospital, and having to go away for a couple of months and you know, so she
wasn’t around to do a lot of that at that point. But uh, my original comments
were preceding that.
B: you mean that
Stacy went away for a couple of months?
N: yes Stacy went away for a
couple of months to WA state to take care of her mother’s affairs, she and the
kids were gone for a couple of months
B: oh, she and
the kids, ok
N: yes
B: was the
house, uh, did the house have trash and like in plastic bags around inside or..
N: they weren’t even inside,
there was trash all over the place, there was trash everywhere, there was milk
curdled in the glasses in the sink, xxx starting to grow on stuff, it was just
really nasty. There will be empty cereal
bowls still sitting on the table from a couple of days ago.
B: the health
conditions were um, probably um
N: it couldn’t have been
great, um, the cat box always smelled and,
B: how many cats
did they have in the house?
N: she just had one cat
B: ok, next
question, how does this differ from your house hold?
N: well, (laughs)
B: well your
house is immaculate! (laughs)
N: well, I try to keep it
clean, um, I take pride in my house and whether there is going to be people
here or not, my husband is out of town or not, whether my kids are here or not,
you know, I live here and I have three children, dog, or well a small horse
(laughs) and my husband.
B: ok can you
remember at least one good and one bad experience you have had with David and
Stacy or with Stacy just alone?
N: um, David and Stacy, they
had a house warming party, as soon as they moved in, or about a month after
they moved in. And it was a lot of fun, and we spent some time over there um,
and uh, so that was fun with the both of them. Uh, excuse me with Stacy alone,
I think that having a girlfriend alone was good for her and have somewhere
where she can go a commiserate because at that point, she was having suspicions
about things going on with Dave. And so, it did get to the point where I would
want to avoid phone calls because it was so draining on my energy and my time.
After a while, so that would have been a bad thing, even though I knew why she
needed it and wanted it.
B: you said
suspicions with Dave what was she suspicious of?
N: she was suspicious that
Dave was having an affair with Takako.
B: ok, what do
you think is their parenting style and how does this differ from your own?
N: As far a Dave goes,
everything I know about that is second hand and I don’t know how much of it I
can believe. She used to tell me that Dave favored Mirrissa, and that he never
really paid a lot of attention to them because he was gone, and that was true
because he was gone a lot. So that wouldn’t be something I would expect from my
husband.
As
far as she goes, she was there but she was never there. I mean, she just, um,
she told me one time that Zachary got up on Saturday morning and was gone
before she woke up and this was around six o’clock in the afternoon and said “I
haven’t seen my son all day and I don’t know where he is at”. I would never
allow that, he was around seven or eight at the time and I would never allow
that, never, my child is eight years old and if he goes to a friends house and
they are not home, he comes home to tell me first that he is going to go
somewhere else so, that I wouldn’t agree with, I just you know and..
She even came to me and told me one day that
the Assistant Principle of Kathleen Elementary told her that she needed to be a
more responsible parent. Because she sent Mirrissa to school in a shirt that
was see through. And they sent her to the office, and she went in there raising
all kinds of heck about that saying “I don’t understand why she couldn’t be in
class learning, why did you have to drag me all the way up here” and all that
stuff. Ms. Overstreet is her name, she said “If you were a more responsible
parent and watched what your kid put on in the morning, we wouldn’t be in this
situation because we can’t send her back to class like that.
B: and how old
was Mirrissa?
N: Mirrissa was in kindergarten
and I would say she was about six because she uh, because she had to take
kindergarten over again.
B: oh, well, um,
what is your? Um, ok, have you ever seen them speak to a child in a way that
was uncomfortable?
N: Very. Not with Dave,
because I didn’t really know him very well, didn’t see him around the kids and
I did, it was situation where you know, kind of family oriented and he would
talk to them like children should be spoken to. With Stacy, when she first got
confirmation about Dave and Takako, she called me on the phone, and she was of
course upset and crying she told me, “yeah, I asked Zach to go ask Daddy who he
was fucking.” Um, and I was very uncomfortable with that and terrible, I uh, he
was maybe eight years old at the time, and, um, first of all you don’t drag
your kids into your problem, and second, you can scar a child by saying simple
things like that and comes back to them much later to haunt them and I thought
it was horrible. And uh, basically she talked very negatively about Takako in
front of the kids, and again, I don’t
think you should drag your kids into your problem. If you have a problem, that
should be among the adults. It shouldn’t be something that the kids you know,
should be dragged in to.
So there were many times like that I might not be very good
on specifics of when and where but, there were many times where she would say
things that I just didn’t like. That being the one that sticks out in my mind
the most. And the fact that she would come over here sometimes and bring the
kids in and say things like well “Dave won’t let me buy food for the kids”
because, Dave let her keep control of the bank card, but he told her he wanted
receipts, which you can understand, if you remove yourself out of the situation
and you are basically letting somebody else buy groceries and buy stuff for the
kids, you are going to want some proof that that is where it is going towards.
And that’s understandable, but she would do that in front of the kids, Dave won’t
let me buy food, or uh, which was just pathetic, uh, so I would give her milk
and bread and cereal and stuff like that. I don’t know what she was using the
money for but it was obviously not food.
B: what is your
opinion of David and Stacy as parents?
N: I can’t be totally sure
about David but the few times I did see him with them, he was a loving father,
he did spend too much time at work, but now that we kind of know that he was
covering for his affair, and that was true. As far as Stacy is concerned, I
think that she loves her kids very much, but I think that she uses them to be
in the middle of the situation. I think that she does not respect the role she
plays in their life. I mean the fact that you think you can manipulate a child
so easily is wrong. And she does it often. She will use any thing and any
chance she can to make herself look like the victim, she will use them. And I
just think that is awful. As far as my opinion of her, is that like I said, I
do think she loves the kids, but I don’t think she knows how to be a good
parent. I would think that she would need some parenting skills classes.
B: ok. As a
parent, how comfortable would you be if you had to leave your children in David
and or Stacy’s care?
N: I would never leave my
children with Stacy over any long period of time for any reason.
B: long period
meaning over night?
N: Right, yeah, now, when I
went in to have my daughter, I had to leave them with her, I had no choice, it
was a last minute thing, a caesarian, it was not expected and I couldn’t get a
hold of my other neighbors. And uh, she was of course very willing and she was
a very nice person, “oh, bring them over, no problem” and she took it upon her
self to come get them and get clothes for them and that kind of thing.
But
the situation with how she kept her house, the fact that she smokes around her
kids, is, just a lot of things I really didn’t want them over there, and so
because of the situation that was going on with Dave I had suspicions that
funny things were going on. And I just didn’t know what was ever going to
happen. And I would not want the kids over there for a long periods of time.
And
as far as Dave goes, he and Takako seem like stable people, I say Takako
because I know that she will be part of his life and be in there, therefore,
obviously, I would have to spend more time with them before I would allow my
kids to be with them.
B: How does this
compare with other neighbors around you?
N: I have some people down
the street that watch my kids when I go to school. That little hour, between
when I leave and when my husband gets home from work. Uh, they are amazing, if
I were going to be in the hospital for months and my husband couldn’t watch
them, I would have no problem knowing that they would take care of them well. I
don’t really know of any of my other neighbors because this is a fast growing
community and a lot of them I don’t know. They are in and out and there are so
many of them that come in for a month and they leave. It’s almost impossible
for anyone to know around here that quickly, so.
B: What is the
length of time you would be comfortable doing this?
N: you mean leaving my kids
with my other neighbors? I think that I stated that, I think any length of time
with them.
B: ok, with the
other neighbors.
N: do you need their names
or?
B: no, no not
now. Could you give examples of behavior you observed that made you feel this
way.. uh..
N: you mean my other
neighbors?
B: yes
N: just observing them, I
have known them for a couple of years now. Watching them as a family, watching
the way they treat my kids, the fact that they will just pop in just to see the
baby. You know, just anything and they always have token gifts to think about
them in Christmases and holidays. They are just great with them. And they love
them.
B: What is your
personal opinion on how David and Stacy’s children are being raised?
N: Well being that the only
time I knew them was when David wasn’t raising them, but Stacy was, because he
had gone to work or had moved already. During that time, I think that um, well
I just hope that nobody will ever treat my kids that way. Um, I have stated
before that I know she loves her kids but, the mind games and the way she would
try to manipulate how they feel about their dad, that was something that I
thought was really not, you know, just not a good thing. You just don’t do
that, if someone is a negative influence on a child, you obviously don’t let
them around them. But if you are trying to manipulate them, in to thinking they
are a negative influence then, it is going to backfire on you eventually.
B: What do you
see in Stacy’s children that you are glad that your children are not like that.
N: Mirrissa is a beautiful
child but she is extremely extremely clingy and whiney and I think that is
because of the whole situation, uh, she needed a good role model, and she just
didn’t get one, unfortunately, or she doesn’t have one. Rather than use the
situation for a positive thing you know “oh Mirrissa mommy loves you I am never
going to leave you” blah blah blah, she would say things like well “your daddy
doesn’t care anymore he is off to see his bitch” or uh, you know “daddy didn’t
have the guts to leave when you were still awake and waited for you to go to
sleep”. Which I think it was rather an admirable thing if you are going to have
an affair.
Oh,
David and Takako already know that I think it’s a deplorable thing to have an
affair. I do. But, I think it was better of him to wait till the kids go to
sleep, rather than to air the dirty laundry in front of the children. And that
was something she drugged up all the time. I mean, well.. “your daddy didn’t
have the guts to do it when you were awake, he waited for you to go to sleep
and then left”. As far as Zach goes, he is an incredibly angry child, or was at
least when he was here. I haven’t seen him for at least a couple of months.
B: What was his
age when you last saw him.
N: I think he is two years
older than my son, so I believe he was eight or nine at the time.
B: Mirrissa?
N: Mirrissa was six or seven,
so Zach would have been nine and she would have been seven. And Zach was
getting into a lot of trouble at school, he was lying about everything all the
time whether it mattered or not, well lying always matters, I mean, but lying about
insignificant things and big things. As I stated before, I took them to church on Sunday’s and they
came to my house after school and they stayed with me and then they went to
church with me and I actually taught Zach’s class because he was in third grade
at the time so he stayed with me and there were a couple of times where he, he
never, he acted up, he would you know get in to fights in school. He actually
brought a bullet, I don’t know where he got it from. He had a bullet he brought
in his book bag. There were like you know a lot of occasions like that.
B: Did you ever
see either of them interact with a child that you didn’t approve of.
N: um, just that the way
Stacy spoke to them, the things that she said to them were deplorable. Um, I
wasn’t a witness, but she did tell me that on a few occasions Mirrissa will say
snotty things to her and she would smack her. She told me one time that, I
believe it was one of the situations where Mirrissa wanted to wear something
that was way to tight or too short and Stacy told her to go change and Mirrissa
said ‘you don’t tell me what to do’ or something along those lines you know,
and Stacy said she walked across to her and gave her one across the mouth. I
didn’t see it, witness it myself but Stacy herself told me that.
B: ok
N: As far as Dave, no.
B: right. If you
were a child custody judge, and had to make a decision based on only what
you know now of David and Stacy, who
would you grant custody, assuming that the other parent will be given fair
access to visitation.
N: um, its actually a pretty
easy question though, I mean it is an easy answer even though it is a difficult
question, I don’t know if this makes sense. But ripping their children away
from their mother is a really hard thing to think about but the truth is I
think that they belong with Dave to prove a more balanced and stable
environment, with or with out Takako.
Um,
I think that uh, there were many time where uh, actually this is going towards
one of your earlier questions, that just now popped in to my mind, but there
were many times when Dave and Stacy were having their problems and she was
having suspicions that I talked about earlier, that uh, she told me that she
would actually get them out of bed in the middle of the night and go track down
Dave’s car, go try to find the car whether he was at work or whether he was at
Takako’s whatever, and she would say ‘oh we didn’t get any sleep last night
because we were out looking for Dave’. Which you know, why bring the kids into
it. If you are going to be loony, get a sitter and do it on your own time.
There were also a lot of times where she would lie.
She
would be on the phone with me and say “I followed Dave to the interstate, I-4
today to see which way he went. Because if he went east he is going home to
Daytona and if he went west he was going to
So
I thought that was a little bit strange but just the lying and the fact that
she can’t keep her adult life out of her paternal or maternal life rather, that
she can’t seem to keep, differentiate between love and manipulation, um, until
she can get herself to love her self enough to where she can get a good job.
She, she would try to go to school and work on the times she would be with the kids, then she would
have first shift off when they were in school and so she could sleep. To me it
seems like if you want to be a parent, you either have to sacrifice either one
or the other. You know, go to school online, drop down to part time, something
to where you can be with your kids. And still be able to maintain a stable
lifestyle you know for them. I don’t know, I just think that Dave has proven
himself to be a more responsible parent. And I know that they both love their
kids. So I don’t know, I would have to say if I were a judge, I would say Dave.
B: ok one other
question, do you have any other comments you would like to add?
N: Just, just that this whole
situation is sad cause whenever it involves kids like this it is difficult and
its hard and I know that the kids loves Stacy and that Stacy loves the kids.
But I also know that they have a right to a fair normal stable lifestyle. And
u, that is where my decisions on this have come to play.
You know, I really liked, Stacy, but she
was draining, she was a very hard person because she always needed something, uh, not necessarily
objects. My time, my compassion, and a shoulder to cry on. I tried to do that,
I tried to be that way. But some of the things she told me just sounded so
ludicrous and so far out that I told her, that if I ever get a chance to ask
Dave I was going to. And when I did, she blew up at me. She found out that I
asked him and she called me, I believe it was Super bowl Sunday night. And told
me that I had given her her worst week of her life. And how could I do that.
You know, and I flat out told her that I was going to ask Dave some of those
questions.
You
know, like not having food for Christmas. And I had a whole sack of stuff to give
her for Christmas to make for the kids because she told me she had no money and
Dave wasn’t going to buy any food for Christmas. And, I asked him and of course
he told me that that was just insane.
Um,
and you know, she sold the pool that her mother had bought, which was her right
to do. Hers given to her kids by her mother. And I don’t think that Dave ever
had a problem with selling it. It was just that she wasn’t going to tell him
for some reason I guess and so um, she got mad at me for doing that. “Why did
you tell him I sold the pool!”. Well, but, what does it matter? You know, I
don’t really understand why it matters. So that was another strange thing.
So
uh, my comments are basically that uh, just loving your children is not enough,
you have to know how to raise them, and rear them correctly and maybe she just
needs some parenting skills classes and learn that, you know, she’s got to be
less selfish and put the kids first and if she can do that, then maybe things
would be different. But for now I think the kids belong with Dave. I don’t
think that she should be denied visitation with them because they are going to
love her and she, they are going to miss her, um, as long as she can keep her
personal feelings in check. You know her adult feelings in check. That’s my
opinion.
B: Ok, thank you
very much, this interview is over.