Jane Devine meeting Nov 9th, 2004

In today's meeting, I would like to propose a direction for the next few sessions that I think will help Stacy and me to come to some agreement about core issues.

CONTENTS

1. How to address Stacy's concerns regarding how I handle the children.

a. Drafting of a "Parenting Agreement".

b. Request for an "unofficial" custody evaluation.

2. Help me understand the reasons behind Stacy's strong objections to shared physical custody.

Role of a Parent and Relationship with Children

Contact with Parent

Parenting Skill Issues

Step Parent Issues

General Parenting Goals

3. Help Stacy and I agree on a Parenting Schedule that will work for the children.

Parenting schedule proposed during mediation.

What it means to for me to be a parent.

Parenting styles to benefit children.

Criterion important to me in deciding on a schedule.

Parenting Schedule Options.

1. How to address Stacy's concerns regarding how I handle the children.

I understand from the mediator that Stacy has serious concerns regarding my competency as a parent and ability to provide a good home environment for the children. I also have very similar concerns regarding Stacy's parenting skills. In order to address the concerns of each parent and make sure that the children are receiving the best possible parenting from both parents I propose the following two tier approach. One is for Stacy and I to sign off on a mutual "parenting agreement". And the other is to have a neutral and objective third party do an evaluation of our respective parenting skills.

a. Drafting of a "Parenting Agreement".

In order to address Stacy's parenting concerns, I have drafted a "Parenting Agreement" which delineates the rules and guidelines that should be followed in both households. I am thinking that by having Stacy and I agree and sign off on such agreement will eliminate any ambiguity on what should or should not be done in each household. I would like input from both Ms. Devine and Stacy to edit the items and include things I have forgotten. Also as we agree on new things we will need to add more items to it. So I am thinking this should be a work in progress and we can sign off on each item as it is finalized. Please read the item drafts and let me know what you think.

b. Request for an "unofficial" custody evaluation.

My lawyer has informed me that if both attorneys agree, they can authorize a custody evaluation to be completed by Ms. Devine. Although it is not yet clear if a custody evaluation is needed for court, I was thinking an "unofficial" custody evaluation may benefit the children. I am not requesting a custody evaluation for the purpose of obtaining a custody recommendation. But I think the information that is gathered and evaluated in a custody evaluation will be invaluable in identifying each of our strengths and weaknesses as a parent.

Based on this report, perhaps Ms. Devine can develop a customized "parenting improvement plan" for each parent so they can work on weaknesses in their parenting skills. This plan will help address our concerns regarding the other parents parenting skills and make sure the right corrective measures are being taken if needed.

I am also thinking that it may be beneficial to file the report and "parenting improvement plan" with the court with the understanding that the plans will be followed through by both parties. This way I think we will be able to ensure that the children will be receiving the best parenting possible from both parents. Please let me know your thoughts and recommendations on how we should proceed.

2. Help me understand the reasons behind Stacy's strong objections to shared physical custody.

Based on what the mediator has relayed to me, Stacy has a strong preference for "sole physical custody" with limited visitation with the father. I would like Ms. Devine to find out from Stacy the reasons behind this reluctance. I think it will help me a lot if I could understand these reasons for Stacy's objections. Right now, due to the conflict involving lawyers, I am getting the impression Stacy is opposed to anything that I want just because I want it. I think my main frustration with the negotiations is that I don't understand Stacy's motives. I have asked her several times about this but it seems that when I ask, it comes out in an accusatory tone. And naturally this makes it very difficult for Stacy respond in an open manner. I would like to request that Ms. Devine spend a session with Stacy to discuss this thoroughly and with Stacy's permission, have Ms. Devine explain this to me in a way that I can understand. If there are any specific concerns about my fitness as a parent, knowing these concerns, I will be able to rectify them for the children. I would like to work with Ms. Devine and receive guidance and counseling to improve my parenting skills. I have drafted some questions I would like addressed. I would like Ms. Devine to feel free to discuss this with Stacy in any format she thinks is appropriate.

3. Help Stacy and I agree on a Parenting Schedule that will work for the children.

I have summarized my ideas on what I think is important in a parenting schedule and what I think will work for the children. I have created four parenting schedule options and wrote down what I think are the advantages for each plan I propose. I hope that both Ms. Devine and Stacy can read and understand my reasoning behind my proposed parenting schedule. I would like Ms. Devine to discuss this with Stacy in a session and choose one of the options or come up with a brand new schedule that will work for the children. Then I would like to have Ms. Devine explain to me the core concerns Stacy has about creating a schedule to benefit the children (with Stacy's permission of course) and what elements she thinks should be incorporated.

MY OPINIONS FOR A SCHEDULE

Parenting schedule proposed during mediation.

On the mediation held Nov 4th, our lawyers suggested a parenting schedule very generous to the father. The schedule included daily parenting time between 2pm and 6pm in addition to every other weekend, split holidays and half of summer. Additionally, it was proposed that the mother will drop the children off at the father's residence in the morning before she goes to work for additional parenting time with the father. Due to time constrains, no formal agreement was finalized and mediation is in the process of being rescheduled.

After careful consideration I have some serious reservations about this proposed schedule. Below are the pros and cons that I see in this schedule.

Pros

• This parenting schedule allows me to have daily contact with the children.
• I will be able to do parental tasks such as tuck them in, wake them up from bed, get them ready and take them to school.
• I will share my time with the children when they are most active and can fully participate in their daily activities of homework, play and extracurricular activities.
• I will continue to enjoy weekends with the children.
• There will be extended parenting time of up to 6 weeks during the summer for vacations and other activities.

Cons

• Children will not get full nights sleep because they will have to awaken at 5am to be dropped off at the father's residence and required to go back to sleep before it is time for school.
• Children will have to transition from one household to the next two times a day. I feel this to be a problem because most of the initial hours after the transition are taken up by children excitedly reporting what happened while they were away from that parent. I feel they need more time with each parent so they can get over the excitement of seeing the parent and have a chance to settle down into the home.
• The schedule is hectic for the children and they will always have to watch the clock to know where they should be and what they should be doing.
• I am afraid to become the "task master" who is always nagging the children to do something. Based on this schedule, I will be the only parent that will be instructing the children with their homework and making sure they follow through on other activities with in a short period of time in the day.

What it means to for me to be a parent.

Based on these concerns I have reevaluated what it means to me to be a parent to my children. I want to expose my children to how I live my life in my home. I want to demonstrate and teach them through my lifestyle, the morals and values I consider important, which may or may not be the same as those of the mother. I want to be able to provide for them the full range of parenting including all the minutia of brushing teeth to fun evenings playing board games. I do not want my time with them to be segregated in to blocks and consisting mainly of weekends and holidays. I want the opportunity to advise and instruct them on things they ask as they come up in everyday life, not in a condensed couple hours of "visitation".

Parenting styles to benefit children.

Through the mediation process, I realized that I had focused only my dissatisfaction with the mother's choice in parenting style. I was unhappy with how she parented the children and I wanted to force my parenting style onto the mother. I did not show respect to her as a parent and expected her to respect my choices over hers. I now realize this is not the way to go. Who am I to say which style of parenting is better for the children? All I can do is do the best I can for my children and hope that the other parent also has the same good intentions, although they may be different from mine. I believe that children can benefit from being exposed to two different parenting styles. And that they will grow up with a richer experience for it. I think I have a unique contribution to make to the children's lives that is just as important as what the mother has to contribute (This is not to say that I couldn't use help in improving my parenting skills). What I ask is that I am given an equal opportunity to spend quality time with the children so that I may continue to be a parent of equal importance to them.

Criterion important to me in deciding on a schedule.

To me, an important aspect of the parenting schedule is to set it up so that it will be least disruptive for the children as possible. As I am sure Stacy will also agree, the previous year has been a very hectic for the children being shuttled from one home to the next. I saw that the children felt insecure, and did not feel they had a home anywhere. In the permanent parenting schedule, whatever it may be I do not want the children to feel this way. In order to minimize the transitions I feel that the following guidelines will be important in creating a good schedule for the children.

• Parenting schedule should not limit a parent to only weekdays or weekends exclusively because the children's needs vary depending on the day of the week and both parents are equally capable of providing for these needs.
• Each session of parenting time should include 3 or more overnights to give children a chance to settle in.
• Transitions mid week on a school night should be avoided to ensure stability and consistency in school work and other activities.
• Schedule for each parent should be reversible to ensure children receive parenting time from both parents equally.

Based on these reasons, I propose parenting time schedule that alternates by week, with the transition between households occurring after school on Friday. By having the transition occur on Friday, it will give the children time to play and adjust to living in the other household over the weekend and have a better start on Monday and the school days that follow. Switching households will be something the children can look forward to for the weekend and a change of pace. In the "Schedule Option" section I have created several options that I feel will work for the children. Please feel free to come up with your own schedule and we can discuss them together in turn.
SCHEDULE OPTIONS.

Parenting Schedule A

Week 1 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Week 2 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

Week 3 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

Week 4 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

Holiday parenting schedule will be determined by mother. She may select none, some or all holidays throughout the year. Father will have children for 2 weeks during summer break and Mother may choose to have children during all other weeks in summer as long as children attend day camps and other activities specified and paid for by father. Child support amount will be $907 per month as specified by Florida State guidelines. All additional expenses relating to children will be provided by father with receipt. This includes costs for daycare, medical care, extracurricular activities, and school projects.

Parenting Plan B

Week 1 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

Week 2 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Week 3 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Week 4 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Overnight parenting time for father in this schedule is equal to visitation schedule of "every other weekend and one overnight during the week". Only difference here that the parenting time is consecutive. Holidays will be split evenly across odd and even numbered years. Summer vacation will be split in half. Child Support amount to mother will be $907 per month as specified by Florida State guidelines. Health insurance will be provided in accordance with the guidelines. No additional support for any reason will be provided.

Parenting Plan C

Week 1 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Week 2 Stacy Zach Dave Mirrissa

Week 3 Stacy Mirrissa Dave Zach

Week 4 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

This schedule allows for each parent to have parenting time with both children and each child separately. I believe it is very important for the children to grow up together but I am also looking forward to some individual time with each child. I feel that as the children grow older, their needs will often be in conflict with each other and some time apart will be beneficial to both children and parents. I think this is one instance where the separation is providing a unique opportunity. Zach is older and has more established friends and activities and he will benefit from the longer parenting time with each parent. While, Mirrissa is still very young and will miss her parents and it will not be good for her to be away from either parent for extended periods of time. Child Support amount to mother will be $907 per month as specified by Florida State guidelines. Each parent is responsible for providing for the child during their respective parenting times. Including costs for day care, medical care, extracurricular activities, and school projects.

Parenting Plan D

Week 1 Stacy Zach Mirrissa Dave ******

Week 2 Stacy ****** Dave Zach Mirrissa

This schedule is a standard alternating by week parenting time. Child Support amount to mother will be $907 per month as specified by Florida State guidelines. Each parent is responsible for providing for the child during their respective parenting times. Including costs for day care, medical care, extracurricular activities, and school projects.

QUESTIONS FOR STACY.

Answers to these questions may help me understand the reasons behind Stacy's strong objections to shared physical custody.

Role of a Parent and Relationship with Children

What do you believe is the role of the mother in raising of a child? The role of the father? Is it the same? Why?

What kind of relationship do you think the children need to have with their parents?

In your opinion should these things change when the parents are separated?

Contact with Parent

How much contact should children have with each of their parents in ideal circumstances? Is it different for a mother versus a father? Why or why not?

In your opinion, should the amount of contact change when the parents are separated? How should they change or stay the same during separation?

When do you think children's contact with their parents be restricted? Is this different for a mother compared to a father?

When is it acceptable for children to receive only minimal contact with one of their parents? What are the advantages to the children to see one parent more often than the other parent? Are there any disadvantages?

Parenting Skill Issues

What are the aspects of Dave's parenting give you concern? What worries you when the children are with Dave.

List as many specific examples of situations you believe is mishandled by Dave. For each explain how would you have dealt with it differently.

How much of the children's current problems are due to Dave's lack of parenting skills?

How do you think these issues should be addressed and improved?

Step Parent Issues

What specific concerns do you have with Dave being involved with Takako?

List as many specific examples of situations you believe Takako was having a negative influence on your children.

In your opinion what is the role of a step parent in your children's lives? How would you make sure these problems do not happen when you have a new love interest?

General Parenting Goals

What does it mean to you to be a mother?

What part of parenting do you like best or bring you most joy? What part of parenting do you dislike most or find difficult for you, what causes you most grief?

What are your hopes and dreams for your children?

What kind of careers, relationships, personal lives, and aspirations do you think the children will have when they grow up? Describe specific scenarios of how you imagine life will be like for each child.

How are you helping the children learn things that will help them to realize these goals? How do you think your goals are different from Dave's goals for the children?

DRAFT PARENTING AGREEMENT

Below are the items for the parenting agreement. They are categorized in to general themes but there is no meaning to their order.

General Parenting Items

Household Rules

Exchange Procedures

Contact between Parents

Contact with Children

Right of First Refusal

GENERAL PARENTING ITEMS

1. The Parents are restrained from making negative statements about the other Parent or Step-Parent in the presence of said children, and shall not allow any other person to make negative statements about the other Parent or Step-Parent in the presence of said children.
2. The Parents shall not use said children or any other person except a designated messenger, to deliver any messages to the other party. Letters and notes may be transported by the children given that they are enclosed in a sealed envelope addressed to the other parent.
3. Neither Parent shall use the children, directly or indirectly, to gather or pump information about the other Parent’s lifestyle, parenting style, emotional or financial state.
4. The Parents are restrained and enjoined from attempting to coerce said children into false and negative beliefs about, negative or abusive behavior toward, or attempt to alienate said children from, Parent or Step-Parent, and shall not attempt to foster a lack of love or care for the other Parent or Step-Parent in any way whatsoever.
5. Each Parent shall encourage the children to discuss their grievances against a Parent directly with the Parent in question. It is the intent of both Parents to encourage a direct parent child bond and communication.
6. Each Parent shall strive to be the best possible parent for said children. To this end each Parent agrees to the following: not to attempt being both parents to the children, not to force the children into playing the role of the departed parent, remain the parent and not play the role of "big brother" or "big sister" to the children.
7. Parties shall acknowledge that it is to the children’s best interest that both parents be involved in all aspects of the children's lives and provide a reasonably consistent routine of activities, values and discipline within each home. Absence, inconsistency and conflict within each home are opposed to the best interests of the children
8. Each Party shall not deny parenting or custodial rights due to a refusal to provide said financial contribution. Nor shall they speak of or mention any aspect of their grievance regarding financial contributions of the other party in the presence of said children.
9. Parents shall not make demands of the other Parent, or make promises to said children or others, concerning the financial contribution of the other Parent toward the purchase of any gifts, activities, events or trips, the paying of any fees or of cash for any necessary or extra items, or donations of money or services on the part of the other Parent without the advance written consent of said Parent.
10. Each Parent shall be restrained and enjoined from harassing, annoying, striking with hand or object, threatening, assaulting, using verbally abusive language, or molesting the other Parent or Step-Parent in any manner whatsoever in an attempt to alarm, coerce, anger, or frighten either party, either in the presence of said children, during telephonic communication between said Parents or Step-Parent, or between a Parent and said children, by written word, or at any other time. The Parents are restrained and enjoined from encouraging or engaging any other person to harass, annoy, strike with hand or object, threaten, assault, verbally abuse or molest the other Parent or Step-Parent, in an attempt to alarm, coerce, anger, or frighten either party in any manner or at any time whatsoever.

HOUSEHOLD RULES

11. Each Parent shall have the right to choose their own Parenting style and punishments, providing their methods and results are not prevented by law and do not constitute abuse.
12. Corporal punishment of said minor children, IF ANY AT ALL, shall be administered only by the natural Mother or the natural Father. Both parties are restrained from allowing any other person to administer corporal punishment to said minor children.
13. Each Parent shall understand and agree that the other Parent has different rules in their household than their own. If a child points out that things are handled differently at the other Parent’s home, each Parent must assert the rules in their own household while respecting that things are done differently in the other Parents household and must not unduly disparage the other Parent’s method or rules in the presence of the child.
14. Each Parent shall understand and agree that the other Parent provides acceptable clothing, toys and accessories for said children, and shall not instruct said children to bring extra toys, clothing and accessories, unless requested by the other Parent, Step-Parent or designated responsible adult. Children’s request to take their toys, clothing and accessories to the other Parent’s home should be honored whenever practical. All belongings must be returned at the end of the parenting time unless otherwise agreed in writing.
15. Each Parent agrees not to use obscene or vulgar language in the presence of the children and must discourage use of such language in said children at all times. Obscene or vulgar language is defined as those words and phrases that are not allowed to be broadcast on network television.
16. Both Parents acknowledge the danger associated with second hand smoke and agree not to smoke in the presence of the children or allow anyone else to do so while indoors and in close proximity to the children while outdoors.
17. During any period of parenting time the parties shall not possess or use and controlled substance, other than prescription medication proscribed for them. The parties shall also assure that the other household members and houseguests shall not possess or use and controlled substance, other than prescription medication proscribed for them, neither shall they consume alcoholic beverages to the point of extreme intoxication.
18. Neither Parent shall expose minor children to any overt or explicit sexual acts committed in the children‘s presence. Minor children may not be exposed to any sexually explicit or pornographic written material or sexual paraphernalia. Each Parent shall not expose minor children to sexually explicit television programs, audio or videotapes, or movies that are rated ‘X’.
19. Both Parents agree not to expose the minor children to any drug paraphernalia, such as scales and balances, containers designed for use or marketed for use in the storing or concealing controlled substances, hypodermic syringes, needles, hashish pipes, carburetion tubes, carburetion masks, roach clips, miniature cocaine spoons and cocaine viles, chamber pipes, electric pipes, air driven pipes, bongs, ice pipes or chillers, or other paraphernalia.
20. Both Parents agree not to possess, store, or use deadly weapons in the residence, place of visitation, or any other location in the children ‘s presence of the following weapons including rifles, pistols, machine pistols, machine guns, shot guns, or other deadly weapons.
21. Both Parents agree not to have any contact with any known drug users, pushers, or sellers of any controlled substance, known convicted felons, any persons known to be addicted to any controlled substances including alcoholic beverages.
22. The children have not to date been brought up with any particular religious orientation. They may be exposed to any doctrines, ceremonies and celebrations as they or either Parents desire. The Parent having parenting time on Sunday or Sabbath or any other religious occasion, has the right to choose whether the children attend a religious institution including Church, Temple, or Assembly Hall. Attendance in such activities shall be secondary to attendance of school and extra-curricular activities previously arranged.

EXCHANGE PROCEDURES

23. Parent having their parenting time with the children are responsible for providing transportation of said children to and from school and other activities during their parenting period. Should the Parent be unable to transport children due to unforeseen events (e.g. car trouble), they should make every effort to arrange alternate transportation for the children, including contacting the other Parent in order to minimize absences from activities.
24. The default drop off location for said children shall be at home of the Parent beginning their parenting time or an agreed upon or designated public place, or in the school office of said children. On regular parenting schedule, children will be picked up directly from their schools or daycare.
25. Each Parent shall provide half of all transportation. Parent ending his/her Parenting period is to provide and/or pay for transportation of said children.
26. Both Parents shall have the right to delegate the responsibility of transporting said children, to any Step-Parent or other agreeing responsible adult, possessing a driver’s license, at any time for any reason whatsoever. The Parent delegating the responsibility of transporting said children, should make an effort to inform the other Parent of whom will be arriving to return or receive said children. If the delegating Parent is unable to contact the other Parent prior to the return or exchange of said children, he/she should send a note verifying the delegated person as the person whom the Parent has sent to return or receive said children.
27. Each party shall not refuse to surrender said children to the other party or designated responsible adult promptly at the beginning of each of the party’s parenting time. The Parent ending his/her parenting period shall leave the premises immediately after delivering said children.
28. During exchanges, each party shall not initiate conversation or direct comments to be heard by the other party. The party returning said children from a parenting time shall stay in the parked car and may only exit the car to open the door and help the child out of the car or to help unload any belongings to the sidewalk. The party receiving the children may not approach the vehicle, or address the children while the vehicle is in the vicinity. When the returning party's vehicle has departed, the receiving parent may walk up to help the children with any belongings.
29. The party returning said children from a parenting time shall also promptly and simultaneously return all belongings, clothing, toys, prescription glasses, prescription or over-the-counter medication or empty containers thereof, suitcase or carrying container, school books, papers, homework assignments, or any other item with which said children arrived. Belongings of said children shall be delivered in an appropriate container for travel. Parent shall also promptly and simultaneously provide any school books, papers or homework assignments due the following school period.
30. In the event the Parent returning said children from a parenting time, finds that the Parent receiving said children is not at the designated child return location, specified return time, then the Parent returning said children shall wait at least thirty (30), minutes past the specified return time of said children, before leaving, unless prior arrangements for late arrival have been made. Also, before leaving, the Parent returning said children shall leave a large note, in plain sight, on the other Parent's front door, stating that he/she was at the appointed location, the time he/she arrived, and the time he/she departed. If party returning the child must use a child care provider due to receiving parent’s absence, contact number and address for childcare provider should also be included. Said note shall contain the signature of the Parent returning said children, and the signature, if possible, of at least one (1), adult witness. Parent returning said children shall leave the premises immediately upon delivery of said note, and shall keep a copy as evidence. The tardy Parent that was to receive said children is then ordered to provide and/or pay for return transportation of said children for this parenting time or custodial period only, which he/she may delegate to a responsible adult. The tardy Parent is also responsible for paying any and all childcare costs associated with this tardiness.
31. In the event the Parent receiving said children for a court ordered parenting finds that the Parent delivering said children is not at the designated child delivery location, at the specified delivery time, then the Parent receiving said children shall wait thirty (30), minutes past the specified delivery time of said children, before leaving, unless prior arrangements for late arrival have been made. Also, before leaving, the Parent receiving said children shall leave a large note, in plain sight, on the other Parent’s front door if pick-up is near the residence of the other Parent, stating that he/she was at the appointed location, the time he/she arrived, and the time he/she departed. If party receiving the child was scheduled to use a childcare provider in their absence, contact number and address for childcare provider should also be included. Said note shall contain the signature of the receiving Parent, and the signature, if possible, of at least one (1), adult witness. Receiving Parent shall leave the premises immediately upon delivery of said note, and shall keep a copy of said note as evidence. The tardy Parent that was to deliver said children is then ordered to provide and/or pay for the transportation of said children for this parenting time or custodial period only, which he/she may delegate to a responsible adult. If the child was scheduled to be at a childcare provider by the receiving Parent, the tardy parent must transport the children to the provider as instructed upon receiving the note left by the receiving parent.
32. Each party shall be prohibited from going to the residence of the other party at any time or for any purpose other than the specific purposes, unless accompanied by police or other court appointed escort, or unless specifically invited to do so by the other party or the legally married spouse of said party in writing, for purposes pertaining only to the exchange of said children, or in the case of a life threatening emergency regarding said children. Each party shall contact the other party via telephone and e-mail to obtain explicit, written permission to go to the residence of the other party at any time or for any purpose including but not limited to delivering belongings of said children and delivering communication materials to the other Parent.
33. Each party shall be prohibited from entering the residence of the other party unless issued specific written invitation to do so by that party or his/her legally married spouse. Each party shall not enter the home of either party at the invitation of any child, friend, relative, roommate/live-in mate, neighbor, or baby-sitter. Each party shall upon entering the home of the other party by written invitation, shall remain within the area indicated by said residing parties. That upon leaving the residence area, both Parents shall retain a copy of said written invitation signed and dated by both parties. Each party shall leave the area of the residence of the other party promptly upon completing any business pertaining to the visit, and shall keep a copy of said invitation signed and dated by both parties.

CONTACT BETWEEN PARENTS

34. Both parties shall acknowledge that this is a high conflict separation and shall make all practical efforts to minimize direct contact with the other party to avoid further confrontations with the other party especially in the presence of the children.
35. Face to face contact will be supervised by an attorney or therapist at all times until agreement from both parties in writing.
36. Contact and communication between Parents shall be conducted mainly by means of written correspondence by regular mail or electronic mail.
37. Parties must refrain from initiating telephone contact with the other party except for scheduled conferences. Conferences are scheduled for Tuesday and Thursday nights at 9pm. On Tuesday, the mother will initiate the telephone call and on Thursday, father will initiate the call. The calls will only pertain to information exchange regarding the children and shall not exceed three (3) minutes in duration. The parameters of the conference calls may be modified upon written agreement by both parties.
38. Both parties will consent to the other party recording any portion of telephone conversations taking place between the parties at anytime. If a third person is in attendance through a speaker phone or conferenced into the call, permission must be obtained from that third person prior to the start of conversation. The purpose of the recordings is for the therapist to review and comment to further improve communication skills between parties.
39. Parties must refrain from engaging in a face to face discussion for any length of time, regardless of topic in the presence of the children. Party initiating the meeting shall prepare and make available in writing the meeting agenda. A neutral third party such as but not limited to a police officer, or therapist must be present and in attendance for the full duration of the meeting ensure civility and to keep the meeting on track. If such third person is not available, both parties may agree to record the meeting by any audio visual recording devices at their disposal. Children shall never be present nor with in ear shot of this discussion at any time.
40. Once a letter is received, the other party must immediately acknowledge receipt and provide a response within 48 hours of receipt. While each Parent is encouraged to respond to all requests within 48 hours, silence in regard to a request shall be considered a "yes" to the other party’s proposed solution.
41. Each party shall be prohibited and enjoined from contacting the employer(s) of the other party for any reason whatsoever. Each party shall not ask, encourage or allow any other person to contact the employer(s) of the other party. All contact with the other party shall be limited during hours of employment to emergency contact regarding the immediate care of, or urgent health and welfare of said children.

CONTACT WITH CHILDREN

42. Each party shall be allowed to exercise reasonable telephonic communication with said children including, but not limited to, a daily telephone call, initiated between the hours of 6:00PM to 8:00PM. Maximum of 2 telephone calls per day is considered the high end of the ‘reasonable’ scale to facilitate contact between Parent and said children while in the other Parent’s care.
43. The parties are restrained and enjoined from initiating or allowing any other person to initiate telephonic communication to the home of the other Parent between the hours of 10:30PM and 6:30AM except in cases of emergency regarding the immediate health and welfare of said children specifically.
44. When exercising their telephonic communication, each Party may speak with said children, without delay unless said children are away from the home, sleeping, napping, eating or bathing, in which case the Party receiving the telephone call shall see that said children returns the call at the earliest possible time thereafter.
45. In order to facilitate telephone contact between the parties and their children, all parties are ordered to initiate and assist their children in immediately returning phone messages attempting telephone contact with their children, from the other Parent.
46. The Parents, spouse, said children or other children, relatives, friends, live-in mates/roommates of either party, are restrained from unreasonably interfering with the rights to privacy of said children during such telephone conversations, or from listening on an extension telephone.
47. Said children shall have the right to determine how long the telephone conversation should last. Neither Parent shall interfere with said child’s right to determine the length of the telephone call, in any way whatsoever.
48. Said children shall be allowed to listen to recorded messages from the other Parent whenever possible. Recorded messages should clearly indicate the children as the recipient and must be recorded separately from other business messages to the other Parent.
49. Each party, upon receipt of mail or packages addressed to said children from the other Parent, Step-Parent, relative, or friend of the other Parent, shall see to it that such mail or packages are given unopened to said children, or read to and opened for said children who are unable to do so. Said children shall be allowed to retain possession of any appropriate gifts given or sent by the other Parent, Step-Parent, relative or friend of the other Parent.
50. Neither Parent may visit said children in the other Parent’s care, or come within one block of the other Parent’s residence, place of employment without prior written arrangement and permission from the other Parent. This does not apply for scheduled parenting time exchanges outlined in this Parenting Plan.

RIGHT OF FIRST REFUSAL

51. Both Parties shall have the right of first refusal to care for said minor children if the absence of either Party should be necessary during their normal Parenting Time. The use of babysitters, daycare facilities, friends or family members shall be secondary to this right. In the event either Parent intends to leave said children overnight, or for a period of two (2) hours or longer, that Parent must first offer the other Parent the opportunity for additional time with said children before making other arrangements for the temporary care of said children.
52. If the Parent chooses, is forced or is required to leave said children overnight or for two (2) hours or more during his / her parenting time, he/she must make every attempt to contact the other Parent. If he/she is unable to contact the other Parent before he/she leaves, he/she must leave a message on the other Parents’ phone and electronic mail, giving him/her the opportunity to pick said children up from the caregiver with whom said children was left with. The Parent must also leave the phone number and address of the caregiver with whom said children was left with, on the answering machine and in the electronic mail, so the other Parent is easily able to contact the person with whom said children has been left. If the other Parent chooses to pick up the children from the caregiver, they must first contact the caregiver by phone with the intent to exercise pick up prior to arriving at the caregiver’s address.
53. The Parent must also make the caregiver with whom said children were left with, aware that the other Parent, Step-Parent, or authorized responsible adult, may pick said children up from the caregiver or family member at any time that they so choose and that the other Parent has every right to do so.
54. If the other Parent chooses to care for said children in the Parents’ absence, the Parent, Step-Parent, or authorized responsible adult, shall drop off said children at the other Parents residence, and the Parent, Step-Parent, or authorized responsible adult, shall retrieve said children from the other Parent’s home, when he/she returns from his/her absence.
55. Parent leaving said children with the other Parent, a temporary childcare provider or family member shall notify the other Parent of the duration of the Parenting Time or temporary care of said children by other persons. When the Parent returns from his/her absence at a time other than previously estimated and arranged with the other Parent, they must call ahead to inform the other Parent of their intention to retrieve the children before arriving at the residence. If the Parent returns from his/her absence, past the children’s bed time (9:00PM, he or she must wait until the following morning, at a reasonable hour (8:00AM) to retrieve the children from the other Parents home.
56. In the event it becomes known that a Parent was denied or not properly notified the opportunity to provide care for the child in the other parent’s absence, it shall be deemed as parenting time interference and the Parent denied may make up the lost parenting time at a later date to be determined by the parent denied parenting time.
57. If either Parent requires the services of a daycare or childcare provider, after providing the other Parent with the right of first refusal, each Parent may independently choose a licensed daycare, childcare provider, or other responsible adult to care for the children in their absence.